With everything going on this season I have been very calm, too calm. I think it would have scared me how calm I was except for the fact that I was too calm to worry.
I am usually a very anxious and nervous person, I mean, I AM a very anxious and nervous person.
This holiday came up swiftly. Every year, the excitement fades from the childhood dreams of christmas to anxiety about not knowing who wants what. This year, I didnt even worry about that. I was just
going along on my own, being tired… until christmas hit me in the face. Then I was just gliding on my own again.
I would have said this whole not being anxious thing was very good for me… But, I was focusing on myself the whole time. I didn’t get into my word at all over break and hardly prayed. I rarely thought about God and would give him a second after I went through my day without him already.
Something had to change, so I tried to change it myself. I liked my mellow mood very much but I was at a total stand still.
After the neutral-ness became apparent, I tried to focus on getting back to growing spiritual, myself. After discipleship, I realized AGAIN i can’t do it on my own.
So I prayed about it and decided to start Galations, which I should have started when we started studying it in CT.
So, the past 2 days have been a lot better. I am able to focus on my walk and working on some of my relationships like Lauren and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me when i talk to my parents.
Just thought I’d share that because it has been pretty darn cool seeing how God can work, again… :))
4 thoughts on “Twilight Phase”
Isn’t it so sweet to trust God for change instead of trying to do it yourself? I think it’s pretty sweet that you realized your “mellow mood” wasn’t a victory over anxiety, but a spiritual standstill. You must be responding to God’s leading, which means you’ll be growing again before you know it!
dude, that mellowness is what it feels like to be phleg…haha, welcome to my world..
nothing can get the spiritual juices flowing like a good dose spiritual revelation found in the word.
Neutralness is yuck/ bad.