Here are some silly thoughts as I’m processing some pain:
As the weeks go by, I can’t help but become more frustrated! Less & less do my past passions seem real. I was young, naive (okay, still both). Unable to understand the extent of what I proclaimed. But coming face to face with pain — it’s hard not to think of anything else other than the pain. And that truth, those passions = dust. Popped, withered, scattered around. Trampled on. Lifeless. Not true to me now!
Yet, God has set me up for this. I see it every day. While my flesh wants to react against it – no, there’s no way out of this. It hurts! That’s all! …My Father raps my shoulder to show me – “Did I not introduce you to certain words, certain people, certain ideas from a young age (those “dusty passions” you threw off so quickly) for this very moment? You fell head over heals for the powerful, steadfast women who soothed you then and are trying to soothe you now. Corrie, Elisabeth, Amy, Rose Marie, Martha… their words lights to you in your emotional distresses, now beacons in your physical and fear. Can’t you remember the truth? Can’t you remember the words in the Book? The truth, the life, the freedom… They’re real. I can handle it. Trust.”
Alas, my issue from years ago haunts me still… But it doesn’t FEEL LIKE IT, God! I just want it to be OVER! To this, I haven’t had an answer and I know I don’t get one. What I get is this: trust everyday. The pain is temporary, but life is eternal.
“So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it.”
Hebrews 2:1 (weird application, but comforting.)